Fast Forward

Fast forward to 2011. A 26-year-old free agent, Felix Hernandez, leaves the organization that brought him along to greatness and signs a 10-year $1 billion contract to join the division-rival Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Seems he was very heavily influenced by his favorite Star Wars character, and felt very sympathetic towards Anakin Skywalker. The Mariners Messiah, as he's now known (since far exceeding his infantile royal title of King Felix), the chosen one, says it wasn't about the money, but about the chance to win.

Hypertranspondic unruly bottles of LAMENESS!!!!